Confrontation dilemma

One of the trickiest things a person has to do sometimes is confront another individual. In the workplace we are often faced with conflict arising from issues related to actions taken by an individual that directly impact us in some way. How do we effectively communicate concerns to another person in a way that does not alienate that person, but still allows us to confront the issue?

Often, I’m baffled by the choice to flee or fight when I’m faced with a conflict arising from the actions from another individual. Especially when I know that the other person is clearly wrong, my inner being just feel like fighting back, to stand up for what I know is right.

On the other hand, I worry that if I do voice out, I would be doing it for the wrong reason- to shame, rather than correct the opposite party. Even if I am clear of my (good) motives, I fear of taking the risks of rejection and anger. I fear that I’ll be seen as the ‘offender’ of another’s feelings. Hence, I flee from the issue altogether. I keep silent.

However, perhaps I have been wrong in thinking that I have only two choices in managing conflicts; either to flight or fight. Perhaps there is another option, the best and rightful one too- godly confrontation. For when I consider to ‘flight’ (flee) or ‘fight’ a situation, what eventually happens is I end up feeling frustrated with myself for either not standing up for the truth when I have the chance, or for being unforgiving and self-seeking in fighting for the respect I think I deserve.

But if I consider godly confrontation, I wouldn’t have to fear standing up for the truth. Neither would I be combative or argumentative in proving my rights. Instead, I would be trusting God to help me resolve the situation. My relationship with the Father is what I would first address. His throne of grace would be where I would first approach. His agenda would be what I would seek first; not my problems or solutions.

I believe that through godly confrontation, what will eventually happen is I would have His wisdom and courage to do what is right and necessary.

At a career crossroad

Career decisions are daunting. I didn’t use to understand how daunting it might be until now, as I am standing at a career crossroad myself. On one hand, I look forward to the next season of life that God is bringing me into- the working life. On the other hand, I feel fearful and perplexed by the multiple path choices I have before me. I’m afraid that I might one day see my choices eventually change my life for the worse, instead for the better. I am also afraid that I may mistakenly make a decision that isn’t part of God’s will, particularly when I am tempted to simply follow the crowd

If only God would give me a supernatural direct tip-off on the best career path for me. I’ll be happy to just sit around and wait until He gives me a sign as to where He wants me to go. After all, He knows what’s best for me. Or perhaps, He could send someone to tell me what the ideal thing to do is; this’ll be nice too. But, in as much I hope He’ll do just that, I know He won’t because part of our duty as a Christian is to learn how to be godly and wise decision-makers. Plus, I have a feeling that if God hadn’t given us the freedom to make decisions, we will be complaining for not having the liberty to do whatever we want.

I guess decision-making is one of the ways that God uses to bring us close to Him. For in the process of thinking through a problem, we learn to depend on Him for counsel and guidance. Accordingly, we learn to work in partnership with Him. Thus, perhaps the key to resolving this issue lies in the word ‘partnership’. For while God promises to instruct me and teach me in the way that I should go, I still need to make sure I do my bit in making wise and godly decisions. And through it all, may my heart be truly open and submissive to do His will; not mine.

Learning to recognize the Father's voice

I couldn’t recognize the number flashing on my cell phone. It was an unfamiliar number, unregistered in my address book. But, the voice on the other end wasn’t unfamiliar at all. At the first sound of “Hello” voiced, I knew instantaneously who it was. It was dad! He had called in simply to remind me of our dinner appointment that night.

It isn’t surprising that I managed to detect my Dad as the caller so almost immediately, is it? After all, he’s my dad! How can I not know his voice? Perhaps you too can relate to a similar experience, where you could immediately recognize the voice of the person calling you without needing any other clues. Maybe it’s a close friend, family member, or partner.

I wish I could say that I can recognize our heavenly Father’s voice as instantaneously too. I wish I can honestly say that my relationship with Him is as close as the one I have with my dad. For how well I recognize His voice is an indication of how well I know Him and close I am in my relationship with Him. But I know can’t say that. I still often lack the discipline or desire to talk to Him & read His Word, even though I know I should. I let the busyness of daily going-ins and –outs take precedence before Him. As a result, I sometimes find myself in confusion when trying to discern between God’s voice, my inner voice and other people’s voice.

And so, I pray that the Father will continue to grow me deeper in love with Him each day. I want to be able to recognize His voice; His leading and guidance in my every day life, as simply & clearly as possible, as He would allow. Nothing beats the delight and joy of following His commands and ways in life.

"We can't always know the mind of God, but we can always know the heart of God." ~Beth Moore

Coincidence or Answered Prayers?

Everything seemed uncertain. I was as nervous as a mouse. I wondered frantically how I was going to get through one whole term of prac work. But I did.

As I look back over the last ten weeks, I know I wouldn’t have been able to do it without God’s continuous working in me and through me, even before I started my final prac. He’s answered so many of my prayers in ways that I never could have imagined. The most unimaginable miracle that happened throughout prac was to be able to do cooking and baking with the kids.

I do believe that God has given me the ability to cook and bake as a gift to serve Him and the people around me. However, I had never imagined myself using this gift in a classroom or school setting because I had never heard of teachers running cooking/baking classes on a weekly basis with kids before; what more to say, student teachers. But, God has somehow placed me with Alison, my mentor teacher, who also loves cooking and baking, and most importantly, aims to instill healthy eating habits and cooking skills in children as she believes that they are essential life skills children need when they grow older. So, she decided to do have a food theme-based topic for this term.

It wasn’t a coincidence; no way could have simply been a lucky chance that I was able to do cooking and baking with the kids. When Alison first told me her choice of theme, deep down, I knew it was God’s working. He was affirming me that I wasn’t going to be alone through the whole ten weeks; He will constantly be with me as I journey through this training period. And He was.

Every now and again, I received what some may call it a coincidence or an answered prayer from God to encourage me on. He sent different people-friends, mums, and random people like the cashier at the check-out counter- as unwitting messengers of His encouragement to me in many situations, and often at just the time I needed them. Be it through actions or words, their acts of kindness & encouragement rekindles my hope in God and His promises to help me stop worrying so much.

It wasn’t always easy, to allow God and the people He sent along my path to refresh my hope and joy in Him. However, I thank God that He still didn’t leave me nor forsook me through it all. He had faithfully and lovingly guided me through the whole term. Despite all the difficulties and near-to-giving-up-moments, overall, I have enjoyed my prac very much, so much more than I had expected.

To Him be all the glory and praise!

Wilderness Beginnings

God had a message for me today. A timely one too. I was feeling pretty much drained by the end of yesterday; physically, mentally and spiritually. I thought probably a good night rest would do me good, have a new start again today. But, today, this morning, I didn’t start off too good either. I woke up late when I actually promised to take two of my friends with me to church.

Never had I felt so exhausted throughout my course so far. I sure did have challenging moments in the last few years; I thought those were the worst already. But, this week, I allowed a new record to settle in that by the end of the week, I was at the brink of breaking down.

I prayed for God to help me know He’s near because I needed to know that He’s still on my side. I needed to know that His arms are still holding me and keeping me surrounded in His embrace. And He answered.

Graham’s sermon today was on wilderness beginnings. He referred to Mark 1:1-12 as he talked about how Jesus, as soon as he was baptized, as soon as God announced that He was well-pleased with him, was being led by the Spirit into the wilderness for 40 days. He was led there by the Spirit of God for an important purpose- to be trained and equipped by God before he begins his ministry work.

At that point of time, I felt God speaking deep within my heart, telling me that that’s what He’s doing with me at the moment. He’s led me into the wilderness, my 40-day prac, so that I may be trained and equipped for something greater in the future. Most importantly, He’s led me to this ‘wilderness’ so that I can hear His voice saying I am His beloved child, with whom He is well-pleased.

No one may know or see my current experience as being in the wilderness or as a great time of testing, but that’s OK. I know God knows and anyway, He’s more concerned with the effects that follow after this 40-day period. Till then, I just need to be patient and continually wait upon Him for strength and guidance.

Thank you, Lord, for this new and fresh perspective.

Teach me how to teach, Lord...

I’m so glad it’s the weekend. I’ve been looking forward to this as I can finally relax a little after my preliminary prac. The last two weeks have really been very trying for me, but I’m glad that God saw me through it with His strength and has indeed given me a good share of enjoyable moments.

Yet, although it’s the weekend, something within me still feels unsettled. The good night sleep which I was so looking forward to last night didn’t really turn out as good as I anticipated. My mind still takes itself back to the classroom and the kids. Consequently, my heart feels burdened by the thoughts of my coming six weeks prac. I fear I will not be able to make it through the whole six weeks seeing that I’m already struggling so hard to find my footing the past two weeks.

How I wish I have all the knowledge and the understanding of how to be a good & skillful teacher right now. I wish I have all the answers to successful classroom management now. I wish I have overflowing ideas of creative ideas now; because if I have all these knowledge & skills now, I won’t have to struggle as much.

But, I know that God won’t give me all the answers now because He wants to use these trying times to bring me close to Him. Plus, teaching is something that will only improve over time. Thus, there’s no point for me to get frustrated or impatient with my lack of skills now; which means that at the moment, all I can do is to patiently and faithfully wait upon the Lord, trusting Him with all my heart, soul, mind and strength to see me through my whole teaching prac. And that is indeed exactly what I want to do.

So, dear Lord, please help me; help strengthen my weak faith. Direct my footsteps according to your word; let no sin rule over me ~ Ps 119:133.

In Jesus’ name I pray,
Amen.

Loving quietness

I remember as a teenager, I hated quiet moments. I hated them because they often involve an absence of activity and goings-on, and any teenager would tell you that inactivity is simply boring! There’s no excitement at all without action.

However, I notice that over the years, my outlook on quietness has changed. Once upon a time, I tried avoiding it at all cost. But now, I want to seek it, treasure it and hold on to it as long as I can.

I guess over the years, I’ve really grown to discover and treasure God’s presence in times of silence and stillness. For on countless occasions, I have found my inner being burning with nervousness and anxiety. Yet, somehow, the troubled mind and heart can often find peace and calmness when I make an intentional choice to sit still and focus on God. Somehow, stillness brought about power and strength.

Perhaps the greatest strength than any one can find is in moments of silence, action-free. Because it is in those moments that the inner soul can hear the gentle whisper of God saying,
“My grace is all you need, because my power is perfected in weakness ~2 Cor 12:9
So, be still My child, I know your way
And I will guide, For My name's sake
Plunge in the rivers of My grace
Rest in the arms of My embrace” ~Don Moen

"Freedom" of Speech

We all live in a society that promotes the freedom of speech. It is a basic common right that every person is entitled to. But, I wonder if people are truly given the freedom to express their ideas and opinions openly. Of course, I understand that there must be certain restrictions on this freedom otherwise people may abuse it to create troubles and dangers by using violent or false language.

However, our culture today seems to pinpoint any one whose speech provokes the feelings and thoughts of the listener, although the speaker’s intention is to endorse truth or encourage peace. In a way, it appears that one can only enjoy the blessing of free expression if his/her expressed opinions and thoughts do not invoke another one’s feelings, even though they may truly benefit the listener.

Perhaps this is one of the reasons why many of us, Christians dare not express our faith outside the walls of the church. We fear that others may consider us as “offenders” of peace. We fear that the truth will hurt and offend our listeners, our friends, so, we rather stay silent. Plus, there are so many of them and so few of us. To go against them would mean ‘suicide’.

Nonetheless, this is exactly what we must do if we want to gain all with Christ. We have to deny ourselves, be willing to lose all that we have, even our lives, if we want to follow Him. For “the man who loves his life will lose it, while the man who hates his life in this world will keep it for eternal life” (John 12:25). Moreover, the Gospel of Christ will always be controversial in any case. It will be good news to those who accept it, but an offense to those who disagree with it.

People may think that we’re foolish to go against them, to risk our lives. But, let’s not be discouraged. We aren’t losing our lives for nothing. We have simply given all that we have in exchange for something greater- an unending life of joy and happiness with God. If only they knew.

Eyes of faith- the eyes that never need to grow old

At my current age, I wouldn’t dare say that I have seen much of life already. I have so much more to experience in life to learn about it. But, I would have to admit that God has opened my eyes to see so many of His great works in life that I can no longer deny His power and the truths of His Word.

Yet, at times, it seems so hard to believe what God tells me even though I know I can simply trust every word that He says. I find myself being more surprised than grateful when I experience His power working in my life. It’s like I am startled to even see His power work.

I wonder if times of unbelief like these arise because I’ve allowed too much noise from the outside to enter into center stage and stifle the clear voice of God speaking. Perhaps I’ve permitted the harsh realities of this world to rob me of the simple pleasures of childhood; my childlike faith. For if I truly had faith like a child, I would be waiting in eager expectation for Him to work wonders in every situation of my life, be excited & grateful when He gives me new ideas and experiences, rather than taken aback when He does.

As we journey through life, I know it is inevitable for many things to age. Nonetheless, there is one thing I hope will never age- my eyes of faith. I pray that the Lord may help me preserve them so that they will forever remain childlike. I want to be able to laugh gleefully, to sing aloud and to openly express my amusement, just like little children, even when I have grown to a ripe old age.

God does the shaping & the moulding, not us

He’s outlined a plan for every one of us. He already has a specific design in mind- what gifts and talents we’ll each possess, how we’ll use them, & what role we’ll play in building His kingdom.

Then, according to the individual unique plans He has for us, He thoughtfully moulds us. He shapes our being & our character, just like how a potter shapes the clay till it becomes a beautiful figurine. He refines us and purifies us from all impurities, just like how a blacksmith works the steel, so that we grow to become more like His Son, Jesus Christ.

Thus, perhaps our duty as a Christian isn’t about working hard to fit into God’s plans, but about letting God fit His plans into our lives. For we don’t do the fitting; God does. Even if at times we find ourselves falling short of our own goals & expectations, it is ok. Our failures do not necessarily mean that we aren’t doing well enough for Him.

It is all about His workings, not ours. He only asks that we may be willing to be open to Him. Then slowly, but surely, He will work His plans through us. Therefore, may we all willingly go to Him daily to seek His will and plan for our lives. And as we go to him, may we go truly go with a humble and submissive heart that is willing to surrender & offer all that we have to Him so that our lives can truly be a living sacrifice for Him.

Submissive Prayer

There’s nothing wrong with being persistent or insistent in prayer. After all, the Bible encourages us to pray at all times. But sometimes, perhaps prayer is not all about being insistent or persistent, but it also about being submissive. For I realized that when I am too insistent, I fall into the trap of continually asking God to fulfill my certain requests, without even pausing for a moment to ask Him for His opinions- whether that’s what He wants for me too.

Prayer was never meant to be a way for getting what we want from God, but rather a way for getting more of Him. We are meant to seek the Giver, not the gifts. We are meant to seek first His Kingdom and righteousness. However, I know I haven’t always been able to go to Him with a sincere intention to know Him, to get more of Him. Because the fleshly nature constantly demands for instant answers and solutions.

Nonetheless, I pray that the Holy Spirit will continually teach me how to pray with the right attitude and the right intentions. Whether or not the Father chooses to grant or deny any of my requests, I believe that He is all-powerful and will answer me according to His perfect will and timing.

A comforting response for the raging soul

Dear Lord,
My heart yearns for Your comfort and peace right now. I am relieved to be done with deceit, but Lord to once again walk in the light of the whole truth is hard. The past lies are still tangled with the truth that I sometimes get confused distinguishing the rights from the wrongs. I know You’ve forgiven me, yet I struggle to accept Your forgiveness. I know You’re real, but the heavy feelings and discouraging thoughts of self-doubt seem more real to me right now. Please, please make them go away Lord. Grant me the strength that I need to let go of the guilt & shame of the past and move into freedom. Help me feel Your presence, Lord. Help me to view myself not from my own perspective, but the way you see me.
Your anguish child.

My Dear Child,
Be strong and courageous. I will direct you in paths of righteousness. Although you are weak, in Me you are strong. I feel everything you feel, I see everything your mind see; that’s how close I am to You. My child, I love you and I will never forsake you, for you are truly Mine, and I am truly Yours.
Love, God.

Why not quit

I felt so strongly to walk out of Mackas and quit working there & then. Too many expectations; in fact, too many variations in these expectations. Different managers and senior worker expecting me to deliver different things. I felt tired and exhausted after having to keep on learning & re-learning their varying expectations for the past three months.

I was already telling myself, “Why hassle with a job that doesn’t appreciate and respect their workers? Why take in all the unrealistic pressure when I can move on to a better job and a better employer?” But, something held me back from lashing out my frustration. The thought of quitting suddenly felt wrong.

I realized deep down, God was trying to tell me that if I quit, I would be leaving for the wrong reason. While it seems practical to just move on to a better job where I can get the respect I deserve, God was trying to remind me that difficult people are everywhere. There is no perfect employer; neither is there going to be a perfect working place. So, I might as well start figuring out how to live & work with them now.

It was painful to have to have to go through this experience, but God has fixed my eyes more firmly on Christ now. And, that is what I pray He will help me do in the coming days of work to come- to fix my eyes on His goodness and stay encouraged because of Him. Although Mackas is just a part-time job and I won’t be staying there for long, I want to make sure that if I leave, I leave for the right reasons; God-centered reasons.

"Helpaholics"

I’ve always known the words ‘alcoholics’ and ‘workaholics’, but never ‘helpaholics’. It’s a new word I picked up from one of my lecture notes last week. Like the former two, ‘helpaholics’ also live an addictive lifestyle; just not to alcohol or work, but helping others. According to Carmen Renee Berry, ‘helpaholics’ are usually caught in the “Messiah trap”, a two-sided lie.

Side 1 of the lie says, “If I don't do it, it won't get done".

Side 2 of the lie says, "Everyone else's needs take priority over mine."

As I read this, I couldn’t help but wonder if this trap is the chief reason why many Christians face burnouts in ministry today. On the surface, all our loving actions appear gracious and noble; godly. But, in actuality, this “Messiah trap” is no more than a misleading and deadly lie that Satan wants us to believe.

In my life, I see the tendency of me falling into this trap time and again although many times, clear symptoms show to forewarn me of the danger. Lack of sleep & rest. Constant worries. Quick hurtful feelings. Self-denial, and feelings of ‘dryness’ to daily practices. All these symptoms are the red alerts in my life. Yet, every now and then, I still feign to ignore them, and I eventually find myself out of balance as I pursue to do God’s work. On the other hand, I find that when I make it a persistent habit to seek God for renewal of mind and strength, my heart experience more joy and consistent delight.

Perhaps for us, ‘helpaholics’, the one & only therapist we need to see is God himself, the Healer. For only He can help us break free from unrealistic expectations and grant us a fresh & right perspective to helping and caring for others. And guess what, we don’t even need to schedule and wait for weeks to see Him. Right now, right here, wherever we are, we can choose to meet with Him. And I believe, as we continually seek Him for counsel & advice, as well as for refreshing moments, we will find His unlimited power working through us to duly help others.

The perfect mum for me

I like shorts and jeans, but she prefers skirts and dresses. I like sleeping with an extra pillow or bolster, but, to her, it’s just a bizarre habit since mine usually ends up the other side of the bed or on the floor anyway. Give us a choice between two bean paste buns, and for sure she’ll grab the red bean one, while I’ll grab the lotus bean one.

We both have our differences, my mum and I, and as such, I didn’t always understand her. I suppose she didn’t always know what to make of me either, in view of the fact that arguments & disagreements are not foreign in our mother-daughter relationship.

Nonetheless, in spite of all our differences- in interests, preferences and routines, I believe that she is the perfect mum for me. Not to imply that she is perfect in every way coz’ none of us can be. However, because knowing that God is perfect and thus, cannot make mistakes, I believe that He has specially placed me in mum’s life and hers in mine for a good cause; a good reason. Even before I was born, He’s planned for our lives to intertwine and bond in this way.

There’ll be times when we’ll argue; resent and get angry at one another; and times where we’ll misunderstand each other. But deep down, we both know how much we love and treasure each other. Perhaps these differences are just God-designed differences to help us both grow more in His likeness. God does works in unexpected ways anyway.

Happy Mother’s Day, mum.

With much love & hugs,
Serene.

God speaks even in the most comical & amusing ways

Earlier this morning, I was contemplating hard whether to do some groceries and get some cooking done before I go to class or just lay back a bit and let my kitchen plans go. On one hand, I really wanted to cook- for others, but on the other hand, I was wondering whether my kitchen plans was part of God’s.

In the end, I decided to just go do some groceries anyway. I started getting myself ready and all this while, I was also praying that the Holy Spirit might give me a sign, to assure me that I was doing exactly what God would have me to do, because if I were to carry on with my kitchen plans, I really would like God to agree with those plans too.

I got myself showered and changed. Then, I got my car keys. Headed out the door and started walking towards my car. And just as I was started to get comfortable with the idea of going ahead with my kitchen plans and getting into the car, I heard something went “RRR-IIIPPP”. Lo and behold, there was a slit at the back of my pants!

I spent the next few moments in my car, chuckling to myself. I didn’t panic, not for the reason that the split wasn’t a terrible one because it was. But, there was an awesome sense of peace that came over me and a tone of voice telling me to take the morning off and be free from any kitchen work. It wasn’t a loud, firm, male audible voice that spoke, however deep in my heart, I knew that God was speaking to me. He was with me.

So, who says God doesn’t speak to us today anymore? He sure does. Not just through His Word, the Holy Spirit, and other people, but also through everyday life experiences, in various circumstances. Once again, I am reminded of the infinite ways our infinite God speaks into the lives of His loved ones.

Contentment begins in the mind

I know I have the tendency to become an easily-irritated & discontented person when I start channeling all my focus to my own plans, instead of God’s. Being crabby and frustrated about everything becomes my normal actions, especially when something doesn’t fit quite right with my plans. But, when I start focusing on all that God has done for me again, right down to the nitty-gritty things like having a comfy pillow to sleep on at night, I turn into a more grateful person. My heart and my mind are filled with more peace and joy.

This made me realized one thing- that contentment begins in the mind. It isn’t God who needs to do the changing by adding new things into our life to satisfy our wants before we can feel contented; it is us who needs to do the changing. We need to learn and train our mind to focus on things that are true, noble, right, pure, lovely, and admirable, like what Paul encourages us to do in Phil 4:8.

Seeing that God’s word is the only source of good, right, and pure things, it hence, becomes fundamental that we make it a discipline to find daily strength from the Bible. It is only as our thoughts become more fixed on God’s word that self-centered thinking starts to fade away.

It is a real challenge to stay committed to reading His Word and communicating with Him daily. But I pray that the Holy Spirit will help me stay true to my commitment. I really want to be like Paul, to learn to be content whatever the circumstances…and to be able to confidently say that “I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me”. ~Phil 4:11-13

When all choices seem good

Here I am, standing at the crossroad in life. Choices are before me and they aren’t just simple choices. These choices will determine my future; my career path. But even after weighing the pros and cons in all of the options I have, I still can’t decide which of these choices will be the better one. They all look pretty good to me.

Sometimes, I wish that I can fully know the consequences of each option in advance so then I can be certain of my future. But, realistically speaking, I know that’s not how God works. For life’s uncertainties is what draws me to continually pray and trust in Him. They keep us from being overly self-confident.

Perhaps the most important choice I can make right now is whether or not I’ll choose to trust in Him, be open and willing to do His will no matter what situation I’ll be in. Life is made up of different seasons and along each season, changes occur. But, I need to remember that each season does not alter my identity in Christ; they only change the circumstances I am in.

A pastor once said,
“When your heart is right and you are faced with two good choices, take either one you like. And trust God with the result. If the heart is willing, the decisions of life will take care of themselves because God will direct your steps exactly where he wants you to be.”

Yes, Lord, just keep me from making foolish decisions and direct me in the right way that I should go. Amen.

Lemonade is sweet & sour

“When life gives you lemons, make lemonade”

I came across this phrase while reading an article and it made me grin. I find it quite amusing but it makes sense. It reminded me of James’ words,

“Consider it pure joy, my brothers, whenever you face trials of many kinds, because you know that the testing of your faith develops perseverance.” ~James 1:2-3

Most importantly, it reminded me that joy in the midst of life’s storms is optional. It is a choice; a desire, and a want that I must decide on in spite of my circumstances. This is the way real joy starts- it starts with me making that choice.

Life will continually offer us fresh & free lemons whether we like it or not. So, why not start making lemonade out of them? It will still taste sour-ish, but at least there's some sweetness added to it.

Teaching...

Teaching is serious business. When you have 26 delicate lives in front of you, the stakes are high; the cost of failure is unimaginable. And sometimes, simply the thought of this just overwhelms me to the extent I think of giving up because I feel incompetent of handling them. What’s more frightening is when pictures of irate parents start popping into mind.

The last two weeks of prac had been pretty draining. Challenges, one after the other, just kept swarming my way, and what’s worst is that they came attached with many impending worries and emotional strains. I’ve felt scared, anxious, angry, annoyed and frustrated at different things, things which most of the times are simply extras. Yet, it does seem impossible to not be overwhelmed by these kinds of feelings, especially when you have kids who just blow you away with their ‘charming’ manners.

Nonetheless, this prac has also been the most enjoyable and fulfilling one I’ve had so far. The lessons that God has taught me through this class of children and teacher are absolutely priceless. He’s taught me how to view each as a good day despite the numerous sticky situations kids will put me into. They may drive me up the wall; they may turn my lessons upside-down, but instead of getting emotionally reactive, I can still choose to let God’s peace reign in my heart by focusing on all the good that is there as well.

Perhaps teaching isn’t so much about making sure children get the lesson content into their heads. Perhaps it’s more about the relationships I have with children- how I relate to them heart to heart; how I let God use me to guide and correct them with love and mercy. Every child that I meet is after all His, and I can’t control the way they behave. Thus, each day, I pray that the Lord will think with my mind, work with my hands, speak with my mouth and love with my heart, so that I may care for these children in the same manner He’s caring for me, that is with great patience and gentleness.

Indeed Lord, at the end of each day, whatever my lot, help me to be able to say, “It is well, it is well, with my soul”.

In loving memory of Grandpa

I didn’t think I would have any problem carrying on with my day. I thought my heart was already prepared to receive the bad news. But as I sat there in front of my computer, I started to cry. With every force I try to push myself to focus on my work, I cried harder. When I finally couldn’t take it anymore, I just buried my face into my hands and sobbed, hard.

Today, I can only weep as I think of all the little times and conversations I’ve had with grandpa. I know deep down he cared a lot about me, even though he had never once expressed his feelings through words. I know he’d shown me his love in the best way he knew how. I really wish I could see him enjoying my durian cheesecake once more; or even see him eat my date pastries, then telling me that he likes them one more time. But it’s ok. I know he’s gone to dine at the banquet table with the Lord, a much much better table than what he can have here.

I am thankful for how God has spoken to me through Auntie Mina and Pastor Ron too. For a while, I was afraid to cry. I thought that the right thing for me to do was to hold in my tears and not grief since Jesus has promised good news- that whoever believes in Him will live, even though he dies. But both Auntie Mina and Pastor Ron assured me that grief is normal. It’s a feeling that God has instilled in us after all. And while it is true that some people need only a shorter time to go through the grieving process, it is alright if I happen to be one of those who take the longer time. God will still grant relief in times of grief, irregardless of how long I'll need to go through it.

So, I won’t get to see grandpa anymore this year when I go back. I won’t be having any of my dinners with him any longer. Neither will I get a chance to prepare him any more treats. These thoughts still seem unreal to me. But I’ll get through; I’m sure the Lord will help me get through it. And I sincerely pray that He’ll help my family & other grieving ones get through it as well.

Life after death

If Jesus did not rise up from the dead like He promised, there would be no triumph over death. There will be no life after death. No purpose for enduring sufferings and hardships in this life. No significance in what we work and labour for.

But because Christ’s did exactly as He promised, that is to rise again and then sit at His Father’s right hand in heaven; we can trust that everything He has said is 100% reliable. This means His assurance of eternal life to us is real and certain. We will indeed one day live forever with God in a place that is free from all pain and suffering. Thus, we need not allow the stings in this life discourage us for our faith is built on solid ground.

Thank you, Lord, for your faithfulness to me. Thank you for loving me and rescuing me even when I deserve the worst. When at times I feel like just walking away, please remind me of the victory that I have in your cross and resurrection. Grant me your strength and power to swim against the tide in this world.

In Jesus’ Name,
Amen.

Sucessful in His eyes

Setbacks, like feelings of failure, are so common nowadays. It plagues even the ones who are serious about their faith. Many times, I struggle accepting mistakes and failures as a way of life. I fall into the Satan’s trap, thinking that I’m a total disappointment when I’ve done something wrong, or when things did not turn out the way I had expected it to be. At other times, I struggle finding satisfaction with myself when I’ve gain no recognition for something I’ve worked hard at.

I believe that it is true to say that the world’s view of success is a suffocating one. It measures success in terms of accomplishments- our wealth, grades, fame, and even beauty. The more you have of these things, the more successful you are. Thus, it becomes so natural for one to be overwhelmed with a sense of failure when these standards are not achieved.

But, I am really thankful God doesn’t define my successful-ness based on what I’ve accomplished or the things that I possess. Whether or not I achieve HD in my assignment; whether or not I am commended by my friends or colleagues; whether or not other people happen to view me as successful, as long as I do my best to follow where He leads me, I am successful. In His eyes, true success is about fulfilling His purposes for my life; the quality of my relationship with Him through Jesus.

Essentially, there is nothing wrong with being well-known or wealthy. Nor, is there anything wrong to have beauty or power. However, it is important to recognize that if anyone needs any of these things to feel significant and complete, then something is definitely off beam. For such things- material & external standards- are far too subjective & superficial. He who defines success based on these terms will only find himself living a life filled with discontentment.

I am still learning how to trust God in His sovereign will and power so that I need not worry about outcomes of future events. Although much effort is required to stand up against the world’s views of success, I thank God for giving me the Holy Spirit, who is always there to help me and remind me that I have a loving Father, who knows what is best for me and will teach me in the right way that I should go.

Balancing humility & self-confidence

For many, humility is often associated with weakness and incompetence. To this many, humility is pathetic because it will only make one look feeble & frail. Nonetheless, for some, humility is a forte. To this few, much importance is attached to the quality of humility. For they know that it is he, who humbles himself, stripped of pride; and becomes like a little child, simply trusting and dependent on the One, that is considered the greatest in the kingdom of heaven ~Matt 18:4.

But then again, amongst this few, some fail to see the presence of self-confidence in humility. As a result, feelings of inadequacy overwhelm them as soon as the going gets rough. Yes, confidence can lead to arrogance. However, without self-confidence, one can get trapped in Satan's deceptions; when he reminds us of our past failures and limitations, telling us we aren’t good enough or talented enough to do God’s work.

Perhaps true humility can only be generated when one holds a certain honest and realistic amount of self-respect about himself/herself. This means having a true knowledge of our identity according to the One who created us. It means truly believing that we are God's workmanship, created in Christ Jesus to do good works, which God prepared in advance for us to do (Eph 2:10). It also means believing that He chose us in Christ before the creation of the world to be holy and blameless in His sight (Eph 1:4). Without a sensible and practical view of oneself, one will by no means be able to distinguish and accept their faults as opportunities for improvements in a positive manner.

There is that act of balancing between humility and self-confidence that we are constantly engaged with in our lives. And because it is such a delicate balance, there is no way we can do it on our own. Thus, this act of balancing is also a choice which we have to decide on daily- a choice of making Jesus our source of strength and motivation- that can only be done as we consistently stay in communion with God through our prayer life and His word.

Human support

Not everyone is able to endure pain alone. Not everyone is strong enough to fight against temptation without help from others. Not everyone can pick up their self-confidence easily and face life struggles unaided. Not everyone is courageous enough to take that first step of faith to find healing- be it for life, body, soul or spirit- without support from people around them.

I am one of them. I am one of those, who cannot take on life challenges single-handedly. But, often times, I still try to make a way out of ruthless situations alone. I’m afraid of troubling others. I’m afraid that I may become too dependant on other people’s support that I start taking advantage of them. Accordingly, I only go to others when I’m really at my worst crossroads.

However, these days, God has been showing me that it is alright to seek human help and support. Jesus did too. That dark night in Gethsemane, as Jesus prayed, He looked to Peter, James and John for prayerful alertness and compassion. Although the disciples failed to support Jesus just as they were told, the main thing that God wanted to teach me was that- if Jesus looked to His disciples for support in His dark hour, how much more we need one another to go through life difficulties.

So, it is ok to seek help. In fact, it is good and in some situations, it may even bring more benefits to the people who are helping us solve our problems. Hence, let us be willing to solicit people for help and support; to pray for us and with us. Also, in turn, let us be alert for opportunities to offer our support to others who are suffering. We truly need each other.

Loving obedience

What is it that drives you to share God’s Word with others? Is it just because it is a command, a God-given responsibility that you do it? Or do you also sincerely believe it is an honor & privilege to be a witness for Christ?

In one’s walk with God, obedience to His commandments is a must element, a necessity. However, sometimes we are likely to forget that obedience is not just about strict, do-as-you-are-told kind of fixation; for obedience is also about love. As a consequence, we lose the enthusiasm and excitement that we really should have in being an example of the changed life that Christ has begun in us, the better and enriched one.

One should never see love & obedience as separable qualities. Sharing God’s love and forgiveness with others is both a privilege and responsibility that we, Christians, have in Christ Jesus. Thus, as we continue to serve in His ministy, may we work with a loving heart, as well as a "I want to" rather than a "I have to" attitude.

Over-caring

In caring for others, one must be willing to make sacrifices; sacrifices that are unselfish so that we learn to put others’ needs above our own. Yet, there are times when we may be bringing about more harm than good in learning to say ‘no’ to our own wants and desires.

In our efforts to give the most excellent care possible to the people around us, especially to our loved ones, we may sometimes fall into the snare of sacrificing more than what is required, which then leads to the cultivation of unwholesome & detrimental choices and practices for our body. Soon, we find ourselves growing weary, not only physically, but spiritually and emotionally. Unintentionally, we have neglected our bodily needs and rest.

One must and needs to realize that self-negligence is not the kind of self-sacrificing attitude that God looks for in our service to Him and His people. For in neglecting our bodily needs, we risk shutting down a place in our soul where God's dreams and gifts are waiting to be revealed. In fact, God is more concerned about the work He can do in us than through us. Hence, the best care that we can offer to others can only flow through when we decide to rely on God’s unlimited power to work through us as our power is limited & incomplete.

It is a lesson and reminder I need constantly. I need it because I tend to forget that it is ultimately God’s ministry and work which I’m involved in. I also need it because I tend to forget that He knows what’s best for me and the people around me. Thus, I pray that the Holy Spirit will continually help me, remind me that it is the Father whom I need to turn to first for help and provision for my needs, as well as the needs of others. I truly need His strength and wisdom so that I will not be enslaved by any unnecessary expectations to be perfect.

Prayer for joy

Create in me a pure heart, O God,
and renew a steadfast spirit within me.
Do not cast me from your presence
or take your Holy Spirit from me.
Restore to me the joy of your salvation
and grant me a willing spirit, to sustain me.
~Psalms 51:10-13~

Indeed Lord, this is my prayer- my prayer for Your joy. Grant me Your grace and strength for each day, that I may live a life that is filled with joy abundance. I want to be like the sun, always shining even when night falls, or even when clouds cover it. May not any bewildering circumstance or experience stop me from smiling, for in You and You alone, can I put my trust. Keep me constant and firm in my commitment to live a Spirit-controlled life, as well as a willing spirit to obey all of Your commandments.
In Jesus’ most precious name, I pray,
Amen.

A cheerful heart

The condition of one’s heart, whether good or bad, is usually noticeable on the face or through spoken words. In saying this, a heart that is filled with the cheer of the Lord often brings about a glowing & smiling face that doesn’t changes in spite of negative situations. Such is an evidence of Christ-like character- a calm and right attitude, which comes only from humility, contentment & trust in the provision and providence of God.

It is a kind of manner I’ve always yearned for and still am aiming to pursue in my daily life. But sometimes, it is just difficult to lighten up. When unhelpful and discouraging things happen, my heart seems to have a higher tendency to relent to frustrations and worry. Harsh words, unkind treatment, whether self-imposed or inflicted by others, are the kind of things that triggers fears in my heart; fears that that prevent me from radiating God’s joy.

In instances like these, I have to keep reminding myself that “a cheerful heart is good medicine, but a crushed spirit dries up the bones” (Prov 17:22). I have to look to God for His grace to rekindle cheerfulness in my heart and strength to help me sustain joy in the midst of challenging situations. Above all, I have to remind myself that to have a cheerful heart is a choice I have to make. It is my decision to make, to whether I want to persevere or quit; to forgive or resent.

Someone once said to me that it is absolutely absurd to have a joyless Christian, and I have to agree with that. Hence, I pray that God will continually help me make it a habit to be contented over my work and cheerful about my duties. May my heart and soul consistently find delight in Him and not be given to weary murmurings.

Fruit of the Spirit

But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, and self-control. GALATIANS 5:22-23

One fruit, but nine flavours; nine quality virtues. No where on earth can you find a man who can plant a tree which can bear such unique a fruit. It is a marvelous and divine fruit; a fruit that can only be produced by the Holy Spirit. It springs not from any ordinary seed because the excellence of this fruit springs from an incorruptible seed of internal grace; the seed that is planted in any one the moment Christ is made at home in his/her heart.

The best tree that any one can ever find is probably this tree- the tree that bears the fruit of the Sprit, since this fruit gives an excellent description of Christ’s character. For us as believers, to bear this fruit would mean yielding our lives to become more and more like Christ; to allow Christ to bring out the full sweetness of His life in us.

However, like any other trees, the soil will influence the kind of fruit the tree will bear because the soil is the one which gives nutrient to the tree. Hence, one’s life can only yield good fruits if his/her life is planted in luxuriant and fertile soil, which in this case, is the soil of Christ. Also, unless one allow God to pull out the weeds of self-will that choke the full growth of the tree, the goodness & sweetness of His fruit cannot ripen to its best.

I do hope that my life will continue to bear more fruit of the Spirit. I want to be able to grow in His goodness and grace without any inward hindrances; any weeds of selfish desires. Nonetheless, like mentioned earlier, bearing His spiritual fruit cannot be resulted by self-effort alone. Given that the fruit is of the Holy Spirit, it is not possible to grow by just trying harder without letting the Holy Spirit to work in our lives. We need to stay connected to the Source, abiding in Him so that the closer we grow to the Source, the more complete our lives will be.

“Blessed are the flexible for they shall not be bent out of shape”

We plan; we organize, because we know that time is a precious gift. However, there is that danger of falling into a tightly scheduled plan where flexibility is no longer an asset we value. Accordingly, one will often find himself/herself frustrated when plans get thwarted by unwanted or unexpected occurrences.

But sometimes, changes to our original plan book may not be a bad thing at all. Perhaps God is leading us to love someone in need. Perhaps God has some special lessons He wants to teach us as we go through certain experiences which we least intend. Perhaps He’s teaching us how to be dependant upon Him not only in the great turns of our lives, but in every step we take.

I believe that keeping a habit of planning is good, for it helps keep one’s time manageable and disciplined. Nonetheless, I also believe that flexibility is crucial as we plan to live a totally surrendered life to God. For flexibility helps us keep an open & positive attitude, which frees us from the desire to control every moment and plans of our own. It teaches us to put God’s will before ours; saying, “If it is the Lord's will, we will live and do this or that” (James 4:15).

Ultimately, there isn’t really such a thing as interruptions in a God-planned life, is there? It is He who is in full control of the ordering of all the affairs in our lives. As Pro 16:9 says, “In his heart a man plans his course, but the LORD determines his steps”. Thus, let us learn to be sensitive to God's leading in executing our well-laid plans, so that with sincere humility, we can be trained to walk in His direction.

Being strong & courageous

The life of a Christian is perhaps the most demanding of all in terms of courage. Especially in a world that is so hostile towards the Word of God, one who truly yearns to reside the way of Christ probably needs the most courage to live.

As Christians, we are called to be different; to stand against the tide. We are continuously challenged to live outside our comfort zone, while at the same time remain faithful in our commitment to Christ. As such, sacrifice and pain are indispensable as we strive to live justly for God and uphold His commandments in loving Him and others. Concurrently, there is always that sense of fear within us, be it towards something or someone, that tries to hinder us from following our heart and God’s calling to the best of our capability.

I know that most of the times, I fear the pain that will befall me, knowing that hardships are inescapable as a Christian. It is not so much about the physical pain I’m afraid of, but the emotional pains and mental struggles that I will have to confront. Nonetheless, I am reminded that such trials are necessary to bring one to spiritual maturity. Plus, it is only in painful situations that virtues of a courageous spirit be made evident. For if an act is devoid of pain, why would courage still be needed?

In all the coming seasons of my life, I pray that by God’s grace, I will find courage to face whatever new fears and concerns that I will have to deal with. Courage, after all, isn't the absence of fear, but rather, it is the commitment to continue standing firm for Him regardless of the cost and circumstance.

Welcoming 2008

Everyone seems so excited to usher in the New Year. I simply love their enthusiasm. There are more smiles and joyful looks on people’s faces, and for a brief moment, I felt as if all the problems, heartaches and struggles in the old year, be it theirs or mine, have disappeared; a discolored memory. No feelings of regret or guilt of what has happened; only eagerness to start a new year, a new start, a fresh beginning.

It reminded me of what Paul said, “Forgetting what is behind and straining toward what is ahead, I press on toward the goal to win the prize for which God has called me heavenward in Christ Jesus” (Philippians 3:13-14). In spite of all the failures that we’ve had, we have to and can only move forward; there is no room for backward moves.

For the world, the celebration of the new year is merely another huge money-making holiday event, but personally, I want it to be something more than that. I want it to be a time where I renew my dedication to God once more. I know for sure that the new year will definitely present me with many demanding and challenging times again, and to be honest, I am afraid to think about them. Nonetheless, I just want to remember all that He has done in faithfully seeing me through the past year and find assurance in His promises.

After all, God has said, "Never will I leave you; never will I forsake you." This promise is probably more than enough to celebrate the new year ahead with full assurance and joy. So we say with confidence, "The Lord is my helper; I will not be afraid. What can man do to me?" ~Hebrews 13:5,6