"Helpaholics"

I’ve always known the words ‘alcoholics’ and ‘workaholics’, but never ‘helpaholics’. It’s a new word I picked up from one of my lecture notes last week. Like the former two, ‘helpaholics’ also live an addictive lifestyle; just not to alcohol or work, but helping others. According to Carmen Renee Berry, ‘helpaholics’ are usually caught in the “Messiah trap”, a two-sided lie.

Side 1 of the lie says, “If I don't do it, it won't get done".

Side 2 of the lie says, "Everyone else's needs take priority over mine."

As I read this, I couldn’t help but wonder if this trap is the chief reason why many Christians face burnouts in ministry today. On the surface, all our loving actions appear gracious and noble; godly. But, in actuality, this “Messiah trap” is no more than a misleading and deadly lie that Satan wants us to believe.

In my life, I see the tendency of me falling into this trap time and again although many times, clear symptoms show to forewarn me of the danger. Lack of sleep & rest. Constant worries. Quick hurtful feelings. Self-denial, and feelings of ‘dryness’ to daily practices. All these symptoms are the red alerts in my life. Yet, every now and then, I still feign to ignore them, and I eventually find myself out of balance as I pursue to do God’s work. On the other hand, I find that when I make it a persistent habit to seek God for renewal of mind and strength, my heart experience more joy and consistent delight.

Perhaps for us, ‘helpaholics’, the one & only therapist we need to see is God himself, the Healer. For only He can help us break free from unrealistic expectations and grant us a fresh & right perspective to helping and caring for others. And guess what, we don’t even need to schedule and wait for weeks to see Him. Right now, right here, wherever we are, we can choose to meet with Him. And I believe, as we continually seek Him for counsel & advice, as well as for refreshing moments, we will find His unlimited power working through us to duly help others.

The perfect mum for me

I like shorts and jeans, but she prefers skirts and dresses. I like sleeping with an extra pillow or bolster, but, to her, it’s just a bizarre habit since mine usually ends up the other side of the bed or on the floor anyway. Give us a choice between two bean paste buns, and for sure she’ll grab the red bean one, while I’ll grab the lotus bean one.

We both have our differences, my mum and I, and as such, I didn’t always understand her. I suppose she didn’t always know what to make of me either, in view of the fact that arguments & disagreements are not foreign in our mother-daughter relationship.

Nonetheless, in spite of all our differences- in interests, preferences and routines, I believe that she is the perfect mum for me. Not to imply that she is perfect in every way coz’ none of us can be. However, because knowing that God is perfect and thus, cannot make mistakes, I believe that He has specially placed me in mum’s life and hers in mine for a good cause; a good reason. Even before I was born, He’s planned for our lives to intertwine and bond in this way.

There’ll be times when we’ll argue; resent and get angry at one another; and times where we’ll misunderstand each other. But deep down, we both know how much we love and treasure each other. Perhaps these differences are just God-designed differences to help us both grow more in His likeness. God does works in unexpected ways anyway.

Happy Mother’s Day, mum.

With much love & hugs,
Serene.

God speaks even in the most comical & amusing ways

Earlier this morning, I was contemplating hard whether to do some groceries and get some cooking done before I go to class or just lay back a bit and let my kitchen plans go. On one hand, I really wanted to cook- for others, but on the other hand, I was wondering whether my kitchen plans was part of God’s.

In the end, I decided to just go do some groceries anyway. I started getting myself ready and all this while, I was also praying that the Holy Spirit might give me a sign, to assure me that I was doing exactly what God would have me to do, because if I were to carry on with my kitchen plans, I really would like God to agree with those plans too.

I got myself showered and changed. Then, I got my car keys. Headed out the door and started walking towards my car. And just as I was started to get comfortable with the idea of going ahead with my kitchen plans and getting into the car, I heard something went “RRR-IIIPPP”. Lo and behold, there was a slit at the back of my pants!

I spent the next few moments in my car, chuckling to myself. I didn’t panic, not for the reason that the split wasn’t a terrible one because it was. But, there was an awesome sense of peace that came over me and a tone of voice telling me to take the morning off and be free from any kitchen work. It wasn’t a loud, firm, male audible voice that spoke, however deep in my heart, I knew that God was speaking to me. He was with me.

So, who says God doesn’t speak to us today anymore? He sure does. Not just through His Word, the Holy Spirit, and other people, but also through everyday life experiences, in various circumstances. Once again, I am reminded of the infinite ways our infinite God speaks into the lives of His loved ones.

Contentment begins in the mind

I know I have the tendency to become an easily-irritated & discontented person when I start channeling all my focus to my own plans, instead of God’s. Being crabby and frustrated about everything becomes my normal actions, especially when something doesn’t fit quite right with my plans. But, when I start focusing on all that God has done for me again, right down to the nitty-gritty things like having a comfy pillow to sleep on at night, I turn into a more grateful person. My heart and my mind are filled with more peace and joy.

This made me realized one thing- that contentment begins in the mind. It isn’t God who needs to do the changing by adding new things into our life to satisfy our wants before we can feel contented; it is us who needs to do the changing. We need to learn and train our mind to focus on things that are true, noble, right, pure, lovely, and admirable, like what Paul encourages us to do in Phil 4:8.

Seeing that God’s word is the only source of good, right, and pure things, it hence, becomes fundamental that we make it a discipline to find daily strength from the Bible. It is only as our thoughts become more fixed on God’s word that self-centered thinking starts to fade away.

It is a real challenge to stay committed to reading His Word and communicating with Him daily. But I pray that the Holy Spirit will help me stay true to my commitment. I really want to be like Paul, to learn to be content whatever the circumstances…and to be able to confidently say that “I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me”. ~Phil 4:11-13

When all choices seem good

Here I am, standing at the crossroad in life. Choices are before me and they aren’t just simple choices. These choices will determine my future; my career path. But even after weighing the pros and cons in all of the options I have, I still can’t decide which of these choices will be the better one. They all look pretty good to me.

Sometimes, I wish that I can fully know the consequences of each option in advance so then I can be certain of my future. But, realistically speaking, I know that’s not how God works. For life’s uncertainties is what draws me to continually pray and trust in Him. They keep us from being overly self-confident.

Perhaps the most important choice I can make right now is whether or not I’ll choose to trust in Him, be open and willing to do His will no matter what situation I’ll be in. Life is made up of different seasons and along each season, changes occur. But, I need to remember that each season does not alter my identity in Christ; they only change the circumstances I am in.

A pastor once said,
“When your heart is right and you are faced with two good choices, take either one you like. And trust God with the result. If the heart is willing, the decisions of life will take care of themselves because God will direct your steps exactly where he wants you to be.”

Yes, Lord, just keep me from making foolish decisions and direct me in the right way that I should go. Amen.

Lemonade is sweet & sour

“When life gives you lemons, make lemonade”

I came across this phrase while reading an article and it made me grin. I find it quite amusing but it makes sense. It reminded me of James’ words,

“Consider it pure joy, my brothers, whenever you face trials of many kinds, because you know that the testing of your faith develops perseverance.” ~James 1:2-3

Most importantly, it reminded me that joy in the midst of life’s storms is optional. It is a choice; a desire, and a want that I must decide on in spite of my circumstances. This is the way real joy starts- it starts with me making that choice.

Life will continually offer us fresh & free lemons whether we like it or not. So, why not start making lemonade out of them? It will still taste sour-ish, but at least there's some sweetness added to it.

Teaching...

Teaching is serious business. When you have 26 delicate lives in front of you, the stakes are high; the cost of failure is unimaginable. And sometimes, simply the thought of this just overwhelms me to the extent I think of giving up because I feel incompetent of handling them. What’s more frightening is when pictures of irate parents start popping into mind.

The last two weeks of prac had been pretty draining. Challenges, one after the other, just kept swarming my way, and what’s worst is that they came attached with many impending worries and emotional strains. I’ve felt scared, anxious, angry, annoyed and frustrated at different things, things which most of the times are simply extras. Yet, it does seem impossible to not be overwhelmed by these kinds of feelings, especially when you have kids who just blow you away with their ‘charming’ manners.

Nonetheless, this prac has also been the most enjoyable and fulfilling one I’ve had so far. The lessons that God has taught me through this class of children and teacher are absolutely priceless. He’s taught me how to view each as a good day despite the numerous sticky situations kids will put me into. They may drive me up the wall; they may turn my lessons upside-down, but instead of getting emotionally reactive, I can still choose to let God’s peace reign in my heart by focusing on all the good that is there as well.

Perhaps teaching isn’t so much about making sure children get the lesson content into their heads. Perhaps it’s more about the relationships I have with children- how I relate to them heart to heart; how I let God use me to guide and correct them with love and mercy. Every child that I meet is after all His, and I can’t control the way they behave. Thus, each day, I pray that the Lord will think with my mind, work with my hands, speak with my mouth and love with my heart, so that I may care for these children in the same manner He’s caring for me, that is with great patience and gentleness.

Indeed Lord, at the end of each day, whatever my lot, help me to be able to say, “It is well, it is well, with my soul”.