Submissive Prayer

There’s nothing wrong with being persistent or insistent in prayer. After all, the Bible encourages us to pray at all times. But sometimes, perhaps prayer is not all about being insistent or persistent, but it also about being submissive. For I realized that when I am too insistent, I fall into the trap of continually asking God to fulfill my certain requests, without even pausing for a moment to ask Him for His opinions- whether that’s what He wants for me too.

Prayer was never meant to be a way for getting what we want from God, but rather a way for getting more of Him. We are meant to seek the Giver, not the gifts. We are meant to seek first His Kingdom and righteousness. However, I know I haven’t always been able to go to Him with a sincere intention to know Him, to get more of Him. Because the fleshly nature constantly demands for instant answers and solutions.

Nonetheless, I pray that the Holy Spirit will continually teach me how to pray with the right attitude and the right intentions. Whether or not the Father chooses to grant or deny any of my requests, I believe that He is all-powerful and will answer me according to His perfect will and timing.

A comforting response for the raging soul

Dear Lord,
My heart yearns for Your comfort and peace right now. I am relieved to be done with deceit, but Lord to once again walk in the light of the whole truth is hard. The past lies are still tangled with the truth that I sometimes get confused distinguishing the rights from the wrongs. I know You’ve forgiven me, yet I struggle to accept Your forgiveness. I know You’re real, but the heavy feelings and discouraging thoughts of self-doubt seem more real to me right now. Please, please make them go away Lord. Grant me the strength that I need to let go of the guilt & shame of the past and move into freedom. Help me feel Your presence, Lord. Help me to view myself not from my own perspective, but the way you see me.
Your anguish child.

My Dear Child,
Be strong and courageous. I will direct you in paths of righteousness. Although you are weak, in Me you are strong. I feel everything you feel, I see everything your mind see; that’s how close I am to You. My child, I love you and I will never forsake you, for you are truly Mine, and I am truly Yours.
Love, God.

Why not quit

I felt so strongly to walk out of Mackas and quit working there & then. Too many expectations; in fact, too many variations in these expectations. Different managers and senior worker expecting me to deliver different things. I felt tired and exhausted after having to keep on learning & re-learning their varying expectations for the past three months.

I was already telling myself, “Why hassle with a job that doesn’t appreciate and respect their workers? Why take in all the unrealistic pressure when I can move on to a better job and a better employer?” But, something held me back from lashing out my frustration. The thought of quitting suddenly felt wrong.

I realized deep down, God was trying to tell me that if I quit, I would be leaving for the wrong reason. While it seems practical to just move on to a better job where I can get the respect I deserve, God was trying to remind me that difficult people are everywhere. There is no perfect employer; neither is there going to be a perfect working place. So, I might as well start figuring out how to live & work with them now.

It was painful to have to have to go through this experience, but God has fixed my eyes more firmly on Christ now. And, that is what I pray He will help me do in the coming days of work to come- to fix my eyes on His goodness and stay encouraged because of Him. Although Mackas is just a part-time job and I won’t be staying there for long, I want to make sure that if I leave, I leave for the right reasons; God-centered reasons.

"Helpaholics"

I’ve always known the words ‘alcoholics’ and ‘workaholics’, but never ‘helpaholics’. It’s a new word I picked up from one of my lecture notes last week. Like the former two, ‘helpaholics’ also live an addictive lifestyle; just not to alcohol or work, but helping others. According to Carmen Renee Berry, ‘helpaholics’ are usually caught in the “Messiah trap”, a two-sided lie.

Side 1 of the lie says, “If I don't do it, it won't get done".

Side 2 of the lie says, "Everyone else's needs take priority over mine."

As I read this, I couldn’t help but wonder if this trap is the chief reason why many Christians face burnouts in ministry today. On the surface, all our loving actions appear gracious and noble; godly. But, in actuality, this “Messiah trap” is no more than a misleading and deadly lie that Satan wants us to believe.

In my life, I see the tendency of me falling into this trap time and again although many times, clear symptoms show to forewarn me of the danger. Lack of sleep & rest. Constant worries. Quick hurtful feelings. Self-denial, and feelings of ‘dryness’ to daily practices. All these symptoms are the red alerts in my life. Yet, every now and then, I still feign to ignore them, and I eventually find myself out of balance as I pursue to do God’s work. On the other hand, I find that when I make it a persistent habit to seek God for renewal of mind and strength, my heart experience more joy and consistent delight.

Perhaps for us, ‘helpaholics’, the one & only therapist we need to see is God himself, the Healer. For only He can help us break free from unrealistic expectations and grant us a fresh & right perspective to helping and caring for others. And guess what, we don’t even need to schedule and wait for weeks to see Him. Right now, right here, wherever we are, we can choose to meet with Him. And I believe, as we continually seek Him for counsel & advice, as well as for refreshing moments, we will find His unlimited power working through us to duly help others.

The perfect mum for me

I like shorts and jeans, but she prefers skirts and dresses. I like sleeping with an extra pillow or bolster, but, to her, it’s just a bizarre habit since mine usually ends up the other side of the bed or on the floor anyway. Give us a choice between two bean paste buns, and for sure she’ll grab the red bean one, while I’ll grab the lotus bean one.

We both have our differences, my mum and I, and as such, I didn’t always understand her. I suppose she didn’t always know what to make of me either, in view of the fact that arguments & disagreements are not foreign in our mother-daughter relationship.

Nonetheless, in spite of all our differences- in interests, preferences and routines, I believe that she is the perfect mum for me. Not to imply that she is perfect in every way coz’ none of us can be. However, because knowing that God is perfect and thus, cannot make mistakes, I believe that He has specially placed me in mum’s life and hers in mine for a good cause; a good reason. Even before I was born, He’s planned for our lives to intertwine and bond in this way.

There’ll be times when we’ll argue; resent and get angry at one another; and times where we’ll misunderstand each other. But deep down, we both know how much we love and treasure each other. Perhaps these differences are just God-designed differences to help us both grow more in His likeness. God does works in unexpected ways anyway.

Happy Mother’s Day, mum.

With much love & hugs,
Serene.

God speaks even in the most comical & amusing ways

Earlier this morning, I was contemplating hard whether to do some groceries and get some cooking done before I go to class or just lay back a bit and let my kitchen plans go. On one hand, I really wanted to cook- for others, but on the other hand, I was wondering whether my kitchen plans was part of God’s.

In the end, I decided to just go do some groceries anyway. I started getting myself ready and all this while, I was also praying that the Holy Spirit might give me a sign, to assure me that I was doing exactly what God would have me to do, because if I were to carry on with my kitchen plans, I really would like God to agree with those plans too.

I got myself showered and changed. Then, I got my car keys. Headed out the door and started walking towards my car. And just as I was started to get comfortable with the idea of going ahead with my kitchen plans and getting into the car, I heard something went “RRR-IIIPPP”. Lo and behold, there was a slit at the back of my pants!

I spent the next few moments in my car, chuckling to myself. I didn’t panic, not for the reason that the split wasn’t a terrible one because it was. But, there was an awesome sense of peace that came over me and a tone of voice telling me to take the morning off and be free from any kitchen work. It wasn’t a loud, firm, male audible voice that spoke, however deep in my heart, I knew that God was speaking to me. He was with me.

So, who says God doesn’t speak to us today anymore? He sure does. Not just through His Word, the Holy Spirit, and other people, but also through everyday life experiences, in various circumstances. Once again, I am reminded of the infinite ways our infinite God speaks into the lives of His loved ones.

Contentment begins in the mind

I know I have the tendency to become an easily-irritated & discontented person when I start channeling all my focus to my own plans, instead of God’s. Being crabby and frustrated about everything becomes my normal actions, especially when something doesn’t fit quite right with my plans. But, when I start focusing on all that God has done for me again, right down to the nitty-gritty things like having a comfy pillow to sleep on at night, I turn into a more grateful person. My heart and my mind are filled with more peace and joy.

This made me realized one thing- that contentment begins in the mind. It isn’t God who needs to do the changing by adding new things into our life to satisfy our wants before we can feel contented; it is us who needs to do the changing. We need to learn and train our mind to focus on things that are true, noble, right, pure, lovely, and admirable, like what Paul encourages us to do in Phil 4:8.

Seeing that God’s word is the only source of good, right, and pure things, it hence, becomes fundamental that we make it a discipline to find daily strength from the Bible. It is only as our thoughts become more fixed on God’s word that self-centered thinking starts to fade away.

It is a real challenge to stay committed to reading His Word and communicating with Him daily. But I pray that the Holy Spirit will help me stay true to my commitment. I really want to be like Paul, to learn to be content whatever the circumstances…and to be able to confidently say that “I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me”. ~Phil 4:11-13