Happy New Year

A new year, with new beginnings, fresh starts. My heart beats with excitement, anticipating to a brand new year of adventure. But, at the same time, it beats with fear; wondering if this year will be better than the last.

Perhaps I worry too much about the future, hence the fear. Perhaps I think too much into things; wondering how I would cross bridges before I even come to any of them. But sometimes, determining that delicate line between reasonable forethought and paralyzing forethought is simply tricky.

I don’t want to be like a foolish and aimless man, who gives no thoughts about the future. But, neither do I want to plan for it until I become controlled by it. So Lord, please grant me a spirit of sound mind and wisdom as I embark this new year. Enable me to live each day, fearing nothing except You. Teach me and help me learn how to daily live with Your power and love.

In Jesus’ name I pray,
Amen.

Confrontation dilemma

One of the trickiest things a person has to do sometimes is confront another individual. In the workplace we are often faced with conflict arising from issues related to actions taken by an individual that directly impact us in some way. How do we effectively communicate concerns to another person in a way that does not alienate that person, but still allows us to confront the issue?

Often, I’m baffled by the choice to flee or fight when I’m faced with a conflict arising from the actions from another individual. Especially when I know that the other person is clearly wrong, my inner being just feel like fighting back, to stand up for what I know is right.

On the other hand, I worry that if I do voice out, I would be doing it for the wrong reason- to shame, rather than correct the opposite party. Even if I am clear of my (good) motives, I fear of taking the risks of rejection and anger. I fear that I’ll be seen as the ‘offender’ of another’s feelings. Hence, I flee from the issue altogether. I keep silent.

However, perhaps I have been wrong in thinking that I have only two choices in managing conflicts; either to flight or fight. Perhaps there is another option, the best and rightful one too- godly confrontation. For when I consider to ‘flight’ (flee) or ‘fight’ a situation, what eventually happens is I end up feeling frustrated with myself for either not standing up for the truth when I have the chance, or for being unforgiving and self-seeking in fighting for the respect I think I deserve.

But if I consider godly confrontation, I wouldn’t have to fear standing up for the truth. Neither would I be combative or argumentative in proving my rights. Instead, I would be trusting God to help me resolve the situation. My relationship with the Father is what I would first address. His throne of grace would be where I would first approach. His agenda would be what I would seek first; not my problems or solutions.

I believe that through godly confrontation, what will eventually happen is I would have His wisdom and courage to do what is right and necessary.

At a career crossroad

Career decisions are daunting. I didn’t use to understand how daunting it might be until now, as I am standing at a career crossroad myself. On one hand, I look forward to the next season of life that God is bringing me into- the working life. On the other hand, I feel fearful and perplexed by the multiple path choices I have before me. I’m afraid that I might one day see my choices eventually change my life for the worse, instead for the better. I am also afraid that I may mistakenly make a decision that isn’t part of God’s will, particularly when I am tempted to simply follow the crowd

If only God would give me a supernatural direct tip-off on the best career path for me. I’ll be happy to just sit around and wait until He gives me a sign as to where He wants me to go. After all, He knows what’s best for me. Or perhaps, He could send someone to tell me what the ideal thing to do is; this’ll be nice too. But, in as much I hope He’ll do just that, I know He won’t because part of our duty as a Christian is to learn how to be godly and wise decision-makers. Plus, I have a feeling that if God hadn’t given us the freedom to make decisions, we will be complaining for not having the liberty to do whatever we want.

I guess decision-making is one of the ways that God uses to bring us close to Him. For in the process of thinking through a problem, we learn to depend on Him for counsel and guidance. Accordingly, we learn to work in partnership with Him. Thus, perhaps the key to resolving this issue lies in the word ‘partnership’. For while God promises to instruct me and teach me in the way that I should go, I still need to make sure I do my bit in making wise and godly decisions. And through it all, may my heart be truly open and submissive to do His will; not mine.

Learning to recognize the Father's voice

I couldn’t recognize the number flashing on my cell phone. It was an unfamiliar number, unregistered in my address book. But, the voice on the other end wasn’t unfamiliar at all. At the first sound of “Hello” voiced, I knew instantaneously who it was. It was dad! He had called in simply to remind me of our dinner appointment that night.

It isn’t surprising that I managed to detect my Dad as the caller so almost immediately, is it? After all, he’s my dad! How can I not know his voice? Perhaps you too can relate to a similar experience, where you could immediately recognize the voice of the person calling you without needing any other clues. Maybe it’s a close friend, family member, or partner.

I wish I could say that I can recognize our heavenly Father’s voice as instantaneously too. I wish I can honestly say that my relationship with Him is as close as the one I have with my dad. For how well I recognize His voice is an indication of how well I know Him and close I am in my relationship with Him. But I know can’t say that. I still often lack the discipline or desire to talk to Him & read His Word, even though I know I should. I let the busyness of daily going-ins and –outs take precedence before Him. As a result, I sometimes find myself in confusion when trying to discern between God’s voice, my inner voice and other people’s voice.

And so, I pray that the Father will continue to grow me deeper in love with Him each day. I want to be able to recognize His voice; His leading and guidance in my every day life, as simply & clearly as possible, as He would allow. Nothing beats the delight and joy of following His commands and ways in life.

"We can't always know the mind of God, but we can always know the heart of God." ~Beth Moore

Coincidence or Answered Prayers?

Everything seemed uncertain. I was as nervous as a mouse. I wondered frantically how I was going to get through one whole term of prac work. But I did.

As I look back over the last ten weeks, I know I wouldn’t have been able to do it without God’s continuous working in me and through me, even before I started my final prac. He’s answered so many of my prayers in ways that I never could have imagined. The most unimaginable miracle that happened throughout prac was to be able to do cooking and baking with the kids.

I do believe that God has given me the ability to cook and bake as a gift to serve Him and the people around me. However, I had never imagined myself using this gift in a classroom or school setting because I had never heard of teachers running cooking/baking classes on a weekly basis with kids before; what more to say, student teachers. But, God has somehow placed me with Alison, my mentor teacher, who also loves cooking and baking, and most importantly, aims to instill healthy eating habits and cooking skills in children as she believes that they are essential life skills children need when they grow older. So, she decided to do have a food theme-based topic for this term.

It wasn’t a coincidence; no way could have simply been a lucky chance that I was able to do cooking and baking with the kids. When Alison first told me her choice of theme, deep down, I knew it was God’s working. He was affirming me that I wasn’t going to be alone through the whole ten weeks; He will constantly be with me as I journey through this training period. And He was.

Every now and again, I received what some may call it a coincidence or an answered prayer from God to encourage me on. He sent different people-friends, mums, and random people like the cashier at the check-out counter- as unwitting messengers of His encouragement to me in many situations, and often at just the time I needed them. Be it through actions or words, their acts of kindness & encouragement rekindles my hope in God and His promises to help me stop worrying so much.

It wasn’t always easy, to allow God and the people He sent along my path to refresh my hope and joy in Him. However, I thank God that He still didn’t leave me nor forsook me through it all. He had faithfully and lovingly guided me through the whole term. Despite all the difficulties and near-to-giving-up-moments, overall, I have enjoyed my prac very much, so much more than I had expected.

To Him be all the glory and praise!

Wilderness Beginnings

God had a message for me today. A timely one too. I was feeling pretty much drained by the end of yesterday; physically, mentally and spiritually. I thought probably a good night rest would do me good, have a new start again today. But, today, this morning, I didn’t start off too good either. I woke up late when I actually promised to take two of my friends with me to church.

Never had I felt so exhausted throughout my course so far. I sure did have challenging moments in the last few years; I thought those were the worst already. But, this week, I allowed a new record to settle in that by the end of the week, I was at the brink of breaking down.

I prayed for God to help me know He’s near because I needed to know that He’s still on my side. I needed to know that His arms are still holding me and keeping me surrounded in His embrace. And He answered.

Graham’s sermon today was on wilderness beginnings. He referred to Mark 1:1-12 as he talked about how Jesus, as soon as he was baptized, as soon as God announced that He was well-pleased with him, was being led by the Spirit into the wilderness for 40 days. He was led there by the Spirit of God for an important purpose- to be trained and equipped by God before he begins his ministry work.

At that point of time, I felt God speaking deep within my heart, telling me that that’s what He’s doing with me at the moment. He’s led me into the wilderness, my 40-day prac, so that I may be trained and equipped for something greater in the future. Most importantly, He’s led me to this ‘wilderness’ so that I can hear His voice saying I am His beloved child, with whom He is well-pleased.

No one may know or see my current experience as being in the wilderness or as a great time of testing, but that’s OK. I know God knows and anyway, He’s more concerned with the effects that follow after this 40-day period. Till then, I just need to be patient and continually wait upon Him for strength and guidance.

Thank you, Lord, for this new and fresh perspective.

Teach me how to teach, Lord...

I’m so glad it’s the weekend. I’ve been looking forward to this as I can finally relax a little after my preliminary prac. The last two weeks have really been very trying for me, but I’m glad that God saw me through it with His strength and has indeed given me a good share of enjoyable moments.

Yet, although it’s the weekend, something within me still feels unsettled. The good night sleep which I was so looking forward to last night didn’t really turn out as good as I anticipated. My mind still takes itself back to the classroom and the kids. Consequently, my heart feels burdened by the thoughts of my coming six weeks prac. I fear I will not be able to make it through the whole six weeks seeing that I’m already struggling so hard to find my footing the past two weeks.

How I wish I have all the knowledge and the understanding of how to be a good & skillful teacher right now. I wish I have all the answers to successful classroom management now. I wish I have overflowing ideas of creative ideas now; because if I have all these knowledge & skills now, I won’t have to struggle as much.

But, I know that God won’t give me all the answers now because He wants to use these trying times to bring me close to Him. Plus, teaching is something that will only improve over time. Thus, there’s no point for me to get frustrated or impatient with my lack of skills now; which means that at the moment, all I can do is to patiently and faithfully wait upon the Lord, trusting Him with all my heart, soul, mind and strength to see me through my whole teaching prac. And that is indeed exactly what I want to do.

So, dear Lord, please help me; help strengthen my weak faith. Direct my footsteps according to your word; let no sin rule over me ~ Ps 119:133.

In Jesus’ name I pray,
Amen.