Wilderness Beginnings

God had a message for me today. A timely one too. I was feeling pretty much drained by the end of yesterday; physically, mentally and spiritually. I thought probably a good night rest would do me good, have a new start again today. But, today, this morning, I didn’t start off too good either. I woke up late when I actually promised to take two of my friends with me to church.

Never had I felt so exhausted throughout my course so far. I sure did have challenging moments in the last few years; I thought those were the worst already. But, this week, I allowed a new record to settle in that by the end of the week, I was at the brink of breaking down.

I prayed for God to help me know He’s near because I needed to know that He’s still on my side. I needed to know that His arms are still holding me and keeping me surrounded in His embrace. And He answered.

Graham’s sermon today was on wilderness beginnings. He referred to Mark 1:1-12 as he talked about how Jesus, as soon as he was baptized, as soon as God announced that He was well-pleased with him, was being led by the Spirit into the wilderness for 40 days. He was led there by the Spirit of God for an important purpose- to be trained and equipped by God before he begins his ministry work.

At that point of time, I felt God speaking deep within my heart, telling me that that’s what He’s doing with me at the moment. He’s led me into the wilderness, my 40-day prac, so that I may be trained and equipped for something greater in the future. Most importantly, He’s led me to this ‘wilderness’ so that I can hear His voice saying I am His beloved child, with whom He is well-pleased.

No one may know or see my current experience as being in the wilderness or as a great time of testing, but that’s OK. I know God knows and anyway, He’s more concerned with the effects that follow after this 40-day period. Till then, I just need to be patient and continually wait upon Him for strength and guidance.

Thank you, Lord, for this new and fresh perspective.

Teach me how to teach, Lord...

I’m so glad it’s the weekend. I’ve been looking forward to this as I can finally relax a little after my preliminary prac. The last two weeks have really been very trying for me, but I’m glad that God saw me through it with His strength and has indeed given me a good share of enjoyable moments.

Yet, although it’s the weekend, something within me still feels unsettled. The good night sleep which I was so looking forward to last night didn’t really turn out as good as I anticipated. My mind still takes itself back to the classroom and the kids. Consequently, my heart feels burdened by the thoughts of my coming six weeks prac. I fear I will not be able to make it through the whole six weeks seeing that I’m already struggling so hard to find my footing the past two weeks.

How I wish I have all the knowledge and the understanding of how to be a good & skillful teacher right now. I wish I have all the answers to successful classroom management now. I wish I have overflowing ideas of creative ideas now; because if I have all these knowledge & skills now, I won’t have to struggle as much.

But, I know that God won’t give me all the answers now because He wants to use these trying times to bring me close to Him. Plus, teaching is something that will only improve over time. Thus, there’s no point for me to get frustrated or impatient with my lack of skills now; which means that at the moment, all I can do is to patiently and faithfully wait upon the Lord, trusting Him with all my heart, soul, mind and strength to see me through my whole teaching prac. And that is indeed exactly what I want to do.

So, dear Lord, please help me; help strengthen my weak faith. Direct my footsteps according to your word; let no sin rule over me ~ Ps 119:133.

In Jesus’ name I pray,
Amen.

Loving quietness

I remember as a teenager, I hated quiet moments. I hated them because they often involve an absence of activity and goings-on, and any teenager would tell you that inactivity is simply boring! There’s no excitement at all without action.

However, I notice that over the years, my outlook on quietness has changed. Once upon a time, I tried avoiding it at all cost. But now, I want to seek it, treasure it and hold on to it as long as I can.

I guess over the years, I’ve really grown to discover and treasure God’s presence in times of silence and stillness. For on countless occasions, I have found my inner being burning with nervousness and anxiety. Yet, somehow, the troubled mind and heart can often find peace and calmness when I make an intentional choice to sit still and focus on God. Somehow, stillness brought about power and strength.

Perhaps the greatest strength than any one can find is in moments of silence, action-free. Because it is in those moments that the inner soul can hear the gentle whisper of God saying,
“My grace is all you need, because my power is perfected in weakness ~2 Cor 12:9
So, be still My child, I know your way
And I will guide, For My name's sake
Plunge in the rivers of My grace
Rest in the arms of My embrace” ~Don Moen

"Freedom" of Speech

We all live in a society that promotes the freedom of speech. It is a basic common right that every person is entitled to. But, I wonder if people are truly given the freedom to express their ideas and opinions openly. Of course, I understand that there must be certain restrictions on this freedom otherwise people may abuse it to create troubles and dangers by using violent or false language.

However, our culture today seems to pinpoint any one whose speech provokes the feelings and thoughts of the listener, although the speaker’s intention is to endorse truth or encourage peace. In a way, it appears that one can only enjoy the blessing of free expression if his/her expressed opinions and thoughts do not invoke another one’s feelings, even though they may truly benefit the listener.

Perhaps this is one of the reasons why many of us, Christians dare not express our faith outside the walls of the church. We fear that others may consider us as “offenders” of peace. We fear that the truth will hurt and offend our listeners, our friends, so, we rather stay silent. Plus, there are so many of them and so few of us. To go against them would mean ‘suicide’.

Nonetheless, this is exactly what we must do if we want to gain all with Christ. We have to deny ourselves, be willing to lose all that we have, even our lives, if we want to follow Him. For “the man who loves his life will lose it, while the man who hates his life in this world will keep it for eternal life” (John 12:25). Moreover, the Gospel of Christ will always be controversial in any case. It will be good news to those who accept it, but an offense to those who disagree with it.

People may think that we’re foolish to go against them, to risk our lives. But, let’s not be discouraged. We aren’t losing our lives for nothing. We have simply given all that we have in exchange for something greater- an unending life of joy and happiness with God. If only they knew.

Eyes of faith- the eyes that never need to grow old

At my current age, I wouldn’t dare say that I have seen much of life already. I have so much more to experience in life to learn about it. But, I would have to admit that God has opened my eyes to see so many of His great works in life that I can no longer deny His power and the truths of His Word.

Yet, at times, it seems so hard to believe what God tells me even though I know I can simply trust every word that He says. I find myself being more surprised than grateful when I experience His power working in my life. It’s like I am startled to even see His power work.

I wonder if times of unbelief like these arise because I’ve allowed too much noise from the outside to enter into center stage and stifle the clear voice of God speaking. Perhaps I’ve permitted the harsh realities of this world to rob me of the simple pleasures of childhood; my childlike faith. For if I truly had faith like a child, I would be waiting in eager expectation for Him to work wonders in every situation of my life, be excited & grateful when He gives me new ideas and experiences, rather than taken aback when He does.

As we journey through life, I know it is inevitable for many things to age. Nonetheless, there is one thing I hope will never age- my eyes of faith. I pray that the Lord may help me preserve them so that they will forever remain childlike. I want to be able to laugh gleefully, to sing aloud and to openly express my amusement, just like little children, even when I have grown to a ripe old age.

God does the shaping & the moulding, not us

He’s outlined a plan for every one of us. He already has a specific design in mind- what gifts and talents we’ll each possess, how we’ll use them, & what role we’ll play in building His kingdom.

Then, according to the individual unique plans He has for us, He thoughtfully moulds us. He shapes our being & our character, just like how a potter shapes the clay till it becomes a beautiful figurine. He refines us and purifies us from all impurities, just like how a blacksmith works the steel, so that we grow to become more like His Son, Jesus Christ.

Thus, perhaps our duty as a Christian isn’t about working hard to fit into God’s plans, but about letting God fit His plans into our lives. For we don’t do the fitting; God does. Even if at times we find ourselves falling short of our own goals & expectations, it is ok. Our failures do not necessarily mean that we aren’t doing well enough for Him.

It is all about His workings, not ours. He only asks that we may be willing to be open to Him. Then slowly, but surely, He will work His plans through us. Therefore, may we all willingly go to Him daily to seek His will and plan for our lives. And as we go to him, may we go truly go with a humble and submissive heart that is willing to surrender & offer all that we have to Him so that our lives can truly be a living sacrifice for Him.

Submissive Prayer

There’s nothing wrong with being persistent or insistent in prayer. After all, the Bible encourages us to pray at all times. But sometimes, perhaps prayer is not all about being insistent or persistent, but it also about being submissive. For I realized that when I am too insistent, I fall into the trap of continually asking God to fulfill my certain requests, without even pausing for a moment to ask Him for His opinions- whether that’s what He wants for me too.

Prayer was never meant to be a way for getting what we want from God, but rather a way for getting more of Him. We are meant to seek the Giver, not the gifts. We are meant to seek first His Kingdom and righteousness. However, I know I haven’t always been able to go to Him with a sincere intention to know Him, to get more of Him. Because the fleshly nature constantly demands for instant answers and solutions.

Nonetheless, I pray that the Holy Spirit will continually teach me how to pray with the right attitude and the right intentions. Whether or not the Father chooses to grant or deny any of my requests, I believe that He is all-powerful and will answer me according to His perfect will and timing.