Wilderness Beginnings

God had a message for me today. A timely one too. I was feeling pretty much drained by the end of yesterday; physically, mentally and spiritually. I thought probably a good night rest would do me good, have a new start again today. But, today, this morning, I didn’t start off too good either. I woke up late when I actually promised to take two of my friends with me to church.

Never had I felt so exhausted throughout my course so far. I sure did have challenging moments in the last few years; I thought those were the worst already. But, this week, I allowed a new record to settle in that by the end of the week, I was at the brink of breaking down.

I prayed for God to help me know He’s near because I needed to know that He’s still on my side. I needed to know that His arms are still holding me and keeping me surrounded in His embrace. And He answered.

Graham’s sermon today was on wilderness beginnings. He referred to Mark 1:1-12 as he talked about how Jesus, as soon as he was baptized, as soon as God announced that He was well-pleased with him, was being led by the Spirit into the wilderness for 40 days. He was led there by the Spirit of God for an important purpose- to be trained and equipped by God before he begins his ministry work.

At that point of time, I felt God speaking deep within my heart, telling me that that’s what He’s doing with me at the moment. He’s led me into the wilderness, my 40-day prac, so that I may be trained and equipped for something greater in the future. Most importantly, He’s led me to this ‘wilderness’ so that I can hear His voice saying I am His beloved child, with whom He is well-pleased.

No one may know or see my current experience as being in the wilderness or as a great time of testing, but that’s OK. I know God knows and anyway, He’s more concerned with the effects that follow after this 40-day period. Till then, I just need to be patient and continually wait upon Him for strength and guidance.

Thank you, Lord, for this new and fresh perspective.

Teach me how to teach, Lord...

I’m so glad it’s the weekend. I’ve been looking forward to this as I can finally relax a little after my preliminary prac. The last two weeks have really been very trying for me, but I’m glad that God saw me through it with His strength and has indeed given me a good share of enjoyable moments.

Yet, although it’s the weekend, something within me still feels unsettled. The good night sleep which I was so looking forward to last night didn’t really turn out as good as I anticipated. My mind still takes itself back to the classroom and the kids. Consequently, my heart feels burdened by the thoughts of my coming six weeks prac. I fear I will not be able to make it through the whole six weeks seeing that I’m already struggling so hard to find my footing the past two weeks.

How I wish I have all the knowledge and the understanding of how to be a good & skillful teacher right now. I wish I have all the answers to successful classroom management now. I wish I have overflowing ideas of creative ideas now; because if I have all these knowledge & skills now, I won’t have to struggle as much.

But, I know that God won’t give me all the answers now because He wants to use these trying times to bring me close to Him. Plus, teaching is something that will only improve over time. Thus, there’s no point for me to get frustrated or impatient with my lack of skills now; which means that at the moment, all I can do is to patiently and faithfully wait upon the Lord, trusting Him with all my heart, soul, mind and strength to see me through my whole teaching prac. And that is indeed exactly what I want to do.

So, dear Lord, please help me; help strengthen my weak faith. Direct my footsteps according to your word; let no sin rule over me ~ Ps 119:133.

In Jesus’ name I pray,
Amen.