Mistakes, failures & weaknesses

Finally, it’s over. After 3 weeks of teaching prac, it is finally over! It is quite a relief that the days of massive paper work is over for now although it had been a meaningful prac for me. Most importantly, I’m glad that my supervisors saw an improvement in me at the end of the 3 weeks. No doubt that there had been downs, failures, and mistakes during my prac, but I guess that’s what it’s all about- learning from my mistakes and turning them into lessons for something better.

I have to say, it certainly was difficult, to have to face with my mistakes and acknowledging my weaknesses. There had been many times when I just so wanted to give up as I grew to know of my limitations. But then again, I knew that it is only in my weaknesses that God’s strength is seen, and it is only through those mistakes I can learn to improve myself. I believe that mistakes are only truly mistakes when we fail to learn from them.

I guess it is the same with our spiritual walk with Him. We have an earnest desire to walk with our God, to progress and move forward as we walk towards Him, but sometimes, we feel like losing ground because of the tough challenges that seem to weigh us down over and over again. During those times, moving beyond these barriers and fully embracing an active, moving faith may seem impossible. But, thankfully God has given us this wonderful privilege to see things from His perspective. I reckon this is one of the greatest blessings we can have being His child- to be able to understand things with the mind of Christ. It gives us an eternal frame of mind that frees us from the captivity of time. It gives us hope, for we know that whatever we are going through right now will not go unnoticed; they will eventually have eternal consequences.

We may make mistakes and we may lack many things, but that’s alright. None of us is perfect. Perhaps what matters most is to do the best we can with what we’ve got while at the same time, faithfully trusting God to mould us as He wishes. Somehow, I think that when God is looking for people to do His work, He is more interested in their “availability”, rather than their “ability”. No matter how little we have, He can still do a lot, that’s if He has all there is of it.

My commitment to mum

Throughout the past week, the children in my class had been spending lots of time making and decorating Mother’s Day vouchers. These vouchers are to be given to their mothers and on each vouchers, the children had to write one thing that they would do for their mum in exchange for the voucher. It was quite amusing to read some of the things these children wrote. Most of them wrote “I’ll wash the dishes” or “I’ll clean my room” and one of them even wrote “I’ll be quiet for 3 minutes”! There was another boy who totally blew me away as he wrote the word ‘once’ at the end of every voucher he made so that his mum will not try to use it more than once. I laughed, hard!

Today, I gave my mum a voucher too; a voucher of my lifetime love for her. This is the commitment I’ve made towards her, to thank her for all the sacrifices she has made for the family. I want to continually show her respect through loving words and acts of kindness, to be humble and obedient to her as long as God allows me- this is my way of honoring her. She may not have brought me up the way I had hoped she had, but it doesn’t matter. She did what she thought was best to her at that time and likewise, all of us are just living our lives in the best way we know how. I believe mum has had her hardships and challenges, too that could have affected her ability to offer what I needed or wanted.

Mum’s greatest desire for me and my brothers now is for us to live a life devoted to Jesus. She hopes to see us walk in His ways, living a surrendered life wholly unto Him. As we daily commit ourselves to Him, I know that she is honored as well, for nothing brings her more joy than to see her children growing stronger in the Lord. I know there will be times when I will fail to live up to this commitment that I have made, but I pray that the Holy Spirit will help me continually love her with a genuine and sincere heart. Only He can help me express an unconditional and undying love for her.

I love you, mum.

Have my all, Lord

Dear Lord,

You know the anxieties of my heart, the things that I’m struggling so hard within me to keep a balanced life in you. Outwardly, my life may seem perfect, but inside me, there’s panic, worries and insecurities, which are starting to cloud my heart. I’m not sure I know exactly what these fears are, but it’s definitely not how you want me to feel. You just want me to seek you and trust you with ALL of my heart, and I think that’s what I’m finding hard to do at this moment.

So, teach me, Lord, to organize my days according to your priorities. Help me to rely on you with all my heart & mind, not just part of me, but ALL; and to find just enough amount of trust to keep me going for each day. Help me dwell daily in your promises for only your truths can set my mind free from all fears. Restore the peace that I once had with you, Lord; please, I need you, help me. Amen.

To a wonderful godsis

Thinking about the memories and the experiences we shared over the past few years just makes me turn to God and truly thank Him for you, a special godsis, who has enriched my life greatly and whom, I know will continue to do so for many years to come. I know a big part of who I am today is shaped by the love and care which you and Sam, and godma & godpa shared with me years ago when you all were still in BP.

I remember the time when I went to church service for the very first time. It was you who encouraged me to go and soon, all of us (together with my brothers and Sam, too) started going to church together. I may not have understood what church service was all about at that time but I knew I had fun and enjoyed going for it. And oh, with all the training we got from those banana & papaya sales, oh gosh, I don’t think we’ll really have to struggle achieving success if we had taken the business path today! =p

For all those fun times we had together as little kids, it's just amazing whenever I think of how they were already part of God’s plan way before we knew it was going to happen. He thought of you first when He wanted to create a godsister to be my friend. I feel blessed to have you in my life. No doubt times have changed and we are at different places now, but I believe that somehow, God will help us make this friendship stay strong, even after you go to the States.

I may not have said before how much you mean to me, so today, I’m sending you lots of love, special thoughts, warm hugs and kisses (think you’re gonna have to use Dettol to wash your face later) to wish you HapPy 20th BirThdAy! To my wonderful godsis, I pray that God will daily bless you twice as much the blessings you have given me! Hope you will have a fantastic birthday, Sarah. It’s your special day; you deserve the best!

Hoping for the best

It’s been two weeks now since the Virginia Tech massacre happened, but many are still shaking in terror. As much as we would like to manage all the possible frightening situations facing us, we simply cannot. It is impossible, unattainable. We do not have the power to control all the actions happening around us.

It probably has hit many of our minds, thinking of the question how our loving God can allow this brutal event to take place when He has all the power in the world to stop it. And, no matter how hard we try to get about answering it, we merely cannot find one. It’s like a puzzle with missing bits; a mystery that maybe could only be solved when we see Him face to face one day.

We may never fully understand why God allows suffering, but one thing I think we can all find comfort in- knowing that He did not exclude Himself from it. When Christ died on the cross, He suffered the most excruciating pain of all; like dying a thousand deaths. It probably is the worst form of death any man can and will ever experience, yet, He chose to expose Himself to it. The nails didn’t keep Him there; His love did. I guess this is probably one of the things that have been keeping me going on so far in life- knowing that He is not unfamiliar with whatever pain and suffering I may be experiencing. After all, He suffered the worst.

With so much of life happening outside of our control, the best thing we can do is perhaps to learn to trust God’s sovereignty for nothing can happen to us unless they first pass through His sovereign hands. I truly believe that there will come a day when God will wipe every tear away from our eyes; when death is gone for good, and so are mourning, crying & pain (Rev 21:4).

Just for you, Kor

HAPPY 24TH BIRTHDAY to my dearest Kor, who has been

--such a blessing in my life

--there to support me when I needed him most

--helping & challenging me in my weaknesses

--caring & looking out for my safety in the best way he can

--patiently putting up with my ‘nonsense’ for all those times I’ve annoyed him (yea, I know I can be pretty annoying at times.. =P)

--bringing joy and happiness into my life simply with his smiles & laughters

--most importantly, for loving me, valueing me & accepting me for who I am

Thanks, Kor, for all that you’ve done for me- the sacrifices and effort you’ve made to just make sure I’m happy and well; and for just being you, not trying to be someone you’re not. It is probably one of those things I like best about you- being honest and open.

I pray that God will continue to use you as a vessel of love, that will always bring warmth and joy into the lives of many, and through you, may many people be touched by His love and peace. May God continue to bless you with a lifetime of beautiful tomorrows, too, which I know you will, coz you have ME! Hehe...


Love you lots!