It is quite a painful lesson to learn from but, I can’t blame anyone or anything on something I’d done wrong myself. I can’t blame God either, because I know He doesn’t cause suffering. In His eyes, the car accident wasn’t an unexpected mishap; He knew it would happen. But, He allowed it to happen for certain reasons, reasons that I may not fully comprehend, but enough to know that it is for good reasons.
Now looking back to that fateful night, that night was perhaps the worst that I have ever experienced. As I was brought into the hospital and with the pain hitting me with great intensity, it was quite impossible to not think about death. At that moment, the danger of death seemed so close, but I was helpless to defend myself against it. I began to understood more why the Bible calls death the greatest enemy.
I wonder if God wanted to teach me a lesson on death. Death is as real as life, and ignoring it does not change it. So often, we choose to disregard the thought of death because it causes grief & heartaches; it can also suddenly disrupt the lives of our loved ones. But, perhaps God doesn’t want us to refuse thinking about death. To overlook death is to escape the reality of life.
Psalm 90:12 says, “Teach us to number our days that we may gain a heart of wisdom.” Numbering our days doesn’t mean to arithmetically count the number of days we have to live for it’s not possible. However, it does mean to seriously consider the shortness of our days and to consider our latter end, what will become of us after we leave this world because thinking about death can teach us more about the value of life. It is because of Him that value is added to our lives and it is only in Him alone that we can find the most definite and secure answer for death.
Over the last few days, I had been scared and fearful, angry and frustrated at myself, but I thank God for walking with me. He knew very well how I felt and yet, He listened graciously to all my frustrations. He knows what it’s like to suffer and that’s why He was there to comfort me. He also gave me a caring family and a loving group of friends who have been continually accompanying, encouraging and praying for me. All their love and company kept my heart warm as they shared the pain with me too. So, thank you all for your love and support. I know some of you would have loved to come keep me company, but cannot. That's ok. The sincerity from your SMS-es and calls already speaks a lot of your concern and care for me. =)
The pain is not totally gone, but I'm feeling much better now. I believe that God is still working to piece all the broken pieces left to create something stronger than before. After all, He has taken my anger and slowly replacing it with peace; He has taken my fear and slowly transforming it into confidence; He has taken my anxieties and slowly turning it into hope; He is keeping His promise by not giving me more than what I can bear. More so, He is meeting all my needs according to his glorious riches in Christ Jesus.
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3 comments:
I thought someone said she is not going to blog about it.
A very good reflection on death. Sometimes the shaking of the soul (through such events) provides us with invaluable wisdom that cannot be obtained otherwise.
“If we forget death, we begin to live on earth as if we were immortal.” (St. Ignaty)
oh dear... very sorry to hear about that... only knew it recently through this... hmmm... a lil bit late hehe... u orite now? :)
yea.. i'm much better now.. no worries.. wil be up and about jumping soon! =)
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