In loving memory of Grandpa

I didn’t think I would have any problem carrying on with my day. I thought my heart was already prepared to receive the bad news. But as I sat there in front of my computer, I started to cry. With every force I try to push myself to focus on my work, I cried harder. When I finally couldn’t take it anymore, I just buried my face into my hands and sobbed, hard.

Today, I can only weep as I think of all the little times and conversations I’ve had with grandpa. I know deep down he cared a lot about me, even though he had never once expressed his feelings through words. I know he’d shown me his love in the best way he knew how. I really wish I could see him enjoying my durian cheesecake once more; or even see him eat my date pastries, then telling me that he likes them one more time. But it’s ok. I know he’s gone to dine at the banquet table with the Lord, a much much better table than what he can have here.

I am thankful for how God has spoken to me through Auntie Mina and Pastor Ron too. For a while, I was afraid to cry. I thought that the right thing for me to do was to hold in my tears and not grief since Jesus has promised good news- that whoever believes in Him will live, even though he dies. But both Auntie Mina and Pastor Ron assured me that grief is normal. It’s a feeling that God has instilled in us after all. And while it is true that some people need only a shorter time to go through the grieving process, it is alright if I happen to be one of those who take the longer time. God will still grant relief in times of grief, irregardless of how long I'll need to go through it.

So, I won’t get to see grandpa anymore this year when I go back. I won’t be having any of my dinners with him any longer. Neither will I get a chance to prepare him any more treats. These thoughts still seem unreal to me. But I’ll get through; I’m sure the Lord will help me get through it. And I sincerely pray that He’ll help my family & other grieving ones get through it as well.

Life after death

If Jesus did not rise up from the dead like He promised, there would be no triumph over death. There will be no life after death. No purpose for enduring sufferings and hardships in this life. No significance in what we work and labour for.

But because Christ’s did exactly as He promised, that is to rise again and then sit at His Father’s right hand in heaven; we can trust that everything He has said is 100% reliable. This means His assurance of eternal life to us is real and certain. We will indeed one day live forever with God in a place that is free from all pain and suffering. Thus, we need not allow the stings in this life discourage us for our faith is built on solid ground.

Thank you, Lord, for your faithfulness to me. Thank you for loving me and rescuing me even when I deserve the worst. When at times I feel like just walking away, please remind me of the victory that I have in your cross and resurrection. Grant me your strength and power to swim against the tide in this world.

In Jesus’ Name,
Amen.

Sucessful in His eyes

Setbacks, like feelings of failure, are so common nowadays. It plagues even the ones who are serious about their faith. Many times, I struggle accepting mistakes and failures as a way of life. I fall into the Satan’s trap, thinking that I’m a total disappointment when I’ve done something wrong, or when things did not turn out the way I had expected it to be. At other times, I struggle finding satisfaction with myself when I’ve gain no recognition for something I’ve worked hard at.

I believe that it is true to say that the world’s view of success is a suffocating one. It measures success in terms of accomplishments- our wealth, grades, fame, and even beauty. The more you have of these things, the more successful you are. Thus, it becomes so natural for one to be overwhelmed with a sense of failure when these standards are not achieved.

But, I am really thankful God doesn’t define my successful-ness based on what I’ve accomplished or the things that I possess. Whether or not I achieve HD in my assignment; whether or not I am commended by my friends or colleagues; whether or not other people happen to view me as successful, as long as I do my best to follow where He leads me, I am successful. In His eyes, true success is about fulfilling His purposes for my life; the quality of my relationship with Him through Jesus.

Essentially, there is nothing wrong with being well-known or wealthy. Nor, is there anything wrong to have beauty or power. However, it is important to recognize that if anyone needs any of these things to feel significant and complete, then something is definitely off beam. For such things- material & external standards- are far too subjective & superficial. He who defines success based on these terms will only find himself living a life filled with discontentment.

I am still learning how to trust God in His sovereign will and power so that I need not worry about outcomes of future events. Although much effort is required to stand up against the world’s views of success, I thank God for giving me the Holy Spirit, who is always there to help me and remind me that I have a loving Father, who knows what is best for me and will teach me in the right way that I should go.

Balancing humility & self-confidence

For many, humility is often associated with weakness and incompetence. To this many, humility is pathetic because it will only make one look feeble & frail. Nonetheless, for some, humility is a forte. To this few, much importance is attached to the quality of humility. For they know that it is he, who humbles himself, stripped of pride; and becomes like a little child, simply trusting and dependent on the One, that is considered the greatest in the kingdom of heaven ~Matt 18:4.

But then again, amongst this few, some fail to see the presence of self-confidence in humility. As a result, feelings of inadequacy overwhelm them as soon as the going gets rough. Yes, confidence can lead to arrogance. However, without self-confidence, one can get trapped in Satan's deceptions; when he reminds us of our past failures and limitations, telling us we aren’t good enough or talented enough to do God’s work.

Perhaps true humility can only be generated when one holds a certain honest and realistic amount of self-respect about himself/herself. This means having a true knowledge of our identity according to the One who created us. It means truly believing that we are God's workmanship, created in Christ Jesus to do good works, which God prepared in advance for us to do (Eph 2:10). It also means believing that He chose us in Christ before the creation of the world to be holy and blameless in His sight (Eph 1:4). Without a sensible and practical view of oneself, one will by no means be able to distinguish and accept their faults as opportunities for improvements in a positive manner.

There is that act of balancing between humility and self-confidence that we are constantly engaged with in our lives. And because it is such a delicate balance, there is no way we can do it on our own. Thus, this act of balancing is also a choice which we have to decide on daily- a choice of making Jesus our source of strength and motivation- that can only be done as we consistently stay in communion with God through our prayer life and His word.

Human support

Not everyone is able to endure pain alone. Not everyone is strong enough to fight against temptation without help from others. Not everyone can pick up their self-confidence easily and face life struggles unaided. Not everyone is courageous enough to take that first step of faith to find healing- be it for life, body, soul or spirit- without support from people around them.

I am one of them. I am one of those, who cannot take on life challenges single-handedly. But, often times, I still try to make a way out of ruthless situations alone. I’m afraid of troubling others. I’m afraid that I may become too dependant on other people’s support that I start taking advantage of them. Accordingly, I only go to others when I’m really at my worst crossroads.

However, these days, God has been showing me that it is alright to seek human help and support. Jesus did too. That dark night in Gethsemane, as Jesus prayed, He looked to Peter, James and John for prayerful alertness and compassion. Although the disciples failed to support Jesus just as they were told, the main thing that God wanted to teach me was that- if Jesus looked to His disciples for support in His dark hour, how much more we need one another to go through life difficulties.

So, it is ok to seek help. In fact, it is good and in some situations, it may even bring more benefits to the people who are helping us solve our problems. Hence, let us be willing to solicit people for help and support; to pray for us and with us. Also, in turn, let us be alert for opportunities to offer our support to others who are suffering. We truly need each other.