In loving memory of Grandpa

I didn’t think I would have any problem carrying on with my day. I thought my heart was already prepared to receive the bad news. But as I sat there in front of my computer, I started to cry. With every force I try to push myself to focus on my work, I cried harder. When I finally couldn’t take it anymore, I just buried my face into my hands and sobbed, hard.

Today, I can only weep as I think of all the little times and conversations I’ve had with grandpa. I know deep down he cared a lot about me, even though he had never once expressed his feelings through words. I know he’d shown me his love in the best way he knew how. I really wish I could see him enjoying my durian cheesecake once more; or even see him eat my date pastries, then telling me that he likes them one more time. But it’s ok. I know he’s gone to dine at the banquet table with the Lord, a much much better table than what he can have here.

I am thankful for how God has spoken to me through Auntie Mina and Pastor Ron too. For a while, I was afraid to cry. I thought that the right thing for me to do was to hold in my tears and not grief since Jesus has promised good news- that whoever believes in Him will live, even though he dies. But both Auntie Mina and Pastor Ron assured me that grief is normal. It’s a feeling that God has instilled in us after all. And while it is true that some people need only a shorter time to go through the grieving process, it is alright if I happen to be one of those who take the longer time. God will still grant relief in times of grief, irregardless of how long I'll need to go through it.

So, I won’t get to see grandpa anymore this year when I go back. I won’t be having any of my dinners with him any longer. Neither will I get a chance to prepare him any more treats. These thoughts still seem unreal to me. But I’ll get through; I’m sure the Lord will help me get through it. And I sincerely pray that He’ll help my family & other grieving ones get through it as well.